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- [S106] The Mountain Press, 18 Nov 2011.
The long goodbye: Alzheimer's takes a toll on caregivers as well
by RACHEL OSBORN
Ellie and Carl McCarter recently participated in the Smoky Mountain Alzheimer’s Walk, sponsored by Alzheimer s Tennessee. Ellie McCarter was diagnosed with the disease in 2002. Her husband cares for her full-time. Submitted photo.
SEVIERVILLE — During the summer of 2002, Carl McCarter received heartbreaking news: His 58-year-old wife Ellie was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.
"It was devastating to us," he said. "It really hit all of us."
Around Christmas in 2001, he started noticing odd behavior in his wife. She was confused, remembering things that never happened and seeing people that weren't actually there.
"We went to Dress Barn to get her a jacket to wear with her jeans," he explained. "(In the car) she said she wanted to get her (twin) sister and niece one, so we went back to get it."
After purchasing the clothing, the McCarters delivered it to their family. Then they drove home.
Upon arriving at their house, Ellie became disoriented. She thought her sister Evelyn and niece were there, Carl McCarter remembered, because she'd seen them in the hallway.
At an appointment shortly afterward — Ellie was getting allergy shots — Carl told their family physician.
"He said not to worry about it," Carl said.
During another appointment, doctors felt Ellie was suffering from depression. Her mother had just been placed in a nursing home.
She was placed on medication for 10 days. Carl started keeping track of her behavior.
"I'd write down all the odd things she'd do," he said.
At the follow-up appointment, after seeing all the evidence, doctors agreed it wasn't depression.
"They made her an appointment with a neurologist," he explained. "The neurologist interviewed her and me. They did tests to rule everything out."
Doctors diagnosed Alzheimer's in July.
"To think someone you love, their mind would gradually go away," he said. "I was sad. It didn't hit me as hard when they told us, as it did later — after she progressed. She didn't talk as much and she'd get confused with things."
Though family members other than Carl knew, no one told Ellie right away.
"We told her later. It wasn't a big deal reaction from her when we told her. I don't think she understood. She was already at a point here she didn't know what it meant," he said.
For the first few years Carl continued working, leaving Ellie home alone. Later she became confused, calling Carl several times throughout the day. He would guide her through simple tasks such as operating the television, using the colors he'd painted on the numbers of their remote.
After a few years, their son Randy began helping out throughout the day. Eventually, Carl had to place her in an assisted living facility in Maryville.
"I had to have her somewhere while I was working," he said.
Ellie stayed at MorningView Village from 2005 until Carl retired in 2007. Then he brought her home.
"I wanted her to be at home," he said. "When we got married, it was a long-term contract. With marriage vows we said for better or worse or through thick or thin. If it was me, she'd be taking care of me."
It was a difficult transition for Carl, who wasn't used to housework.
"I miss coming in from being out and having something fixed to eat," he said, "instead of fixing it myself. She'd always have the meals fixed. When the cold weather came she'd have soup or chili. It's those things you miss. I can cook just about everything, but I miss her cooking.
Today Ellie is completely dependent on Carl.
"She doesn't do anything," he said. "I have to do everything for her. I get her up in the morning, take her to the bathroom, make her something to eat and feed her.
"I have to hold her up when she walks, so she doesn't fall down. I don't want her to fall. She's not stable when she stands. Part of the time I have to use a chair with wheels around the house. She doesn't have the energy to walk. She's gradually getting weaker I think."
Though Ellie's mobility is limited, a few years ago she could get around more easily. One evening, while Carl was asleep, Ellie went outside.
"I heard the doorbell at 3 a.m. and it woke me up," Carl said. "She said she went around the block. I don't know if she really did."
After this incident, Carl had an alarm system installed on each door. Later he resorted to putting deadbolts on the inside of the doors, above Ellie's reach.
These days Carl has no idea what Ellie is thinking. She hasn't spoken in four or five years. That was the hardest adjustment for Carl.
"For a lot of years she didn't talk in sentences," he said. "She'd say something but not conversations. Now she makes a racket (and noises). I can't understand what she says.
"That's something I miss more than anything. We used to talk a lot. We'd hike together, read the Bible and pray together. These are the things I miss. It takes a lot out of your life.
"As the years go by, it gets gradually harder. I read two to three chapters of the Bible every day and ask the Lord for help, to help me do the best I can. Without that, I couldn't have done it."
For now, 68-year-old Ellie takes medication to slow the disease's effect and Carl has assistance three or four days a week.
"It's been almost 10 years since her diagnosis. It's a terrible disease. It's a hard life, but you can't judge God because of the way things went. He's still in control. When it's all over, he'll take us home to glory."
• rosborn@themountainpress.com
- [S23] Atchley Funeral Home, (http://www.atchleyfuneralhome.com/), 28 Jun 2012.
Eleanor McCarter
November 13, 1943 - June 28, 2012
Birthplace: Sevier County, Tennessee
Resided In: Sevierville Tennessee USA
Visitation: July 01, 2012
Service: July 01, 2012
Cemetery: Smoky Mountain Memory Gardens
Eleanor “Ellie” McCarter, age 68, of Sevierville passed away Thursday, June 28, 2012 at LeConte Medical Center in Sevierville, after a long courageous journey with Alzheimer’s. A lifelong member of New Era Baptist Church, she served as Sunday School teacher, Bible School Director and with the music ministry. Ellie began a 20-year career working with Silver Dollar City, and Dollywood. She retired in 1998 after winning numerous achievement awards. She was preceded in death by her parents Leonard and Trula Connatser.
Survivors include her husband of 47 years: Carl McCarter
Son: Randy McCarter and his wife Kristen
Three grandsons: Patrick, Aaron, and Isaac McCarter, all of Sevierville
Twin sister: Evelyn Sandlin, of Maryville
Brother: Winford Connatser and wife Linda of Sarasota, FL
Special cousins: Ruth Green of Sevierville and Hattie Jones of Knoxville
Three nieces: Cheri Czajkowski, Kim Connatser, and Karen Borah
Sister-in-law: Mary Lou Shinlever
Three brothers-in-law: Eddie McCarter and wife Marjorie, Earl McCarter and wife Connie, Danny McCarter and wife Donna. And, a host of nieces, nephews, and extended family
The family will receive friends from 4-5PM Sunday with funeral service to follow at 5PM in the West Chapel of Atchley Funeral Home, Sevierville with Rev Dewayne White officiating. Pallbearers will be Patrick, Aaron and Isaac McCarter, Josh and Zak Czajkowski. Honorary pallbearer is Jim Czajkowski. Interment 10AM Monday in Smoky Mountain Memory Gardens. (www.atchleyfuneralhome.com)
- [S58] Marriage Certificate.
Name Leonard Henderson Connatser
Event Type Marriage
Event Date 17 Aug 1940
Event Place Sevier, Tennessee, United States
Gender Male
Age 20
Birth Year (Estimated) 1920
Spouse's Name Trula Mae Hicks
Spouse's Gender Female
Spouse's Age 22
Spouse's Birth Year (Estimated) 1918
"Tennessee, County Marriages, 1790-1950," database with images, FamilySearch (https://familysearch.org/ark:/61903/3:1:3QS7-893F-P641?cc=1619127&wc=Q63S-1NX%3A1589264711%2C1589374586 : 23 December 2016), Sevier > image 533 of 681; citing Tennessee State Library and Archives, Nashville and county clerk offices from various counties.
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